I've started a new job, and - lest I jinx it - let me just say I'm having an incredible time. I've learned more in 3 days than I thought I could fit into my head in 3 monthes. My co-workers and bosses are outstanding and it's going to be great fun.
The wedding plans continue to run smoothly, as far as wedding planning goes. Jennifer and I are talking linens and things, unity candles, and dresses for the flower girl. I'm enjoying it quite a bit; I suppose that's a testament to my willingness to settle down. I'm looking forward to August.
Next week, I have a trip planned with my Father and Brother. I'm excited and drooling with anticipation at the idea that this liberal lefty will be able to lord his power over the others in his family. Oh yes, I shall smite the non-believers with my very own sword of Damocles (I've been sharpening it out back in the woodshed during this entire administration.) The tables have turned... 29% approval rating (18% if you're Dick Cheney)... HAHAHAHAHA.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
The "Blah"-scars
(This year's Oscar should have been made of poo.)The "Blah"-scars.
Somehow, this year's show has inexplicably found a way to garner more viewers than last year, while dragging us - the American viewer - through 4 hours of flatness, inconsistency, and more foreign-accented speeches than a U.N. General Consulate meeting. I didn't think it was possible to find a way to trump James Cameron's bizarre sanctity-cum-celebration speech from 1997 or Julia's Robert's embarrassingly self-centered speech of 2001, but I guess we had the biggest flop of them all this year: an elderly - nay, senile - Clint Eastwood performing his best Groucho Marx impression while trying to translate for Ennio "Harpo/Chico" Morricone for what seemed like... oh, about 4 hours. I tell you one thing though, I didn't know that that late on a Sunday night after football season had long ended, that I could actually have the energy to stand up and scream at the television that loudly, "Awww... COME ON!!!" Yes, it seems that even though each year millions of us annually chastise and shrug off the "importance" of the Oscars, and critics pan the format and host alike, we all still... keep... watching.
Ahh, therein' lies "the rub," to quote the Dude who started all these freakin' festivities in the first place. While we wait, then watch, then complain the whole next day, those sharks in suits are laughing all the way to the bank. You see the numbers are what dictate the format, my pretties. So, while we bitch and moan and STILL tune in, Hollywoodland high-rollers can make money AND give us the giant middle-finger - both wrapped up in a tighter package than J. Lo in a Versace. They don't care to change, and won't care to change until YOU decide to change...
the channel.
I've learned my lesson and next year I plan on doing something else: like, painting my toenails, counting the numbers of rivets on our building stairs, or stapling my head to the rug. Or maybe I'll just change the channel. Frankly, I'd rather watch this anyway:
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Criminal Minds
Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow! Watch CBS an 9 PM EST, MST, PCT or 8 PM CST to see Jennifer Willison (my lady) get some kick ass screen time on one of America's most popular program.
Watch!
CBS!
TOMORROW!
Watch!
CBS!
TOMORROW!
Friday, February 16, 2007
I am loved more than you.
Look at this card!
Have you ever see a Valentine's Day card this big? No, you haven't, because no one in your life loves you this much.
That's right, I am loved more than you. It's okay, you see, because now I can spread my extra love to people like you. In many ways, this is like the trickle-down theory of economics, whereby the little people can follow behind me gathering the discarded scraps of my overwhelming love.
What's that you ask? Oh yes, of COURSE, it's nice to be loved this much. Obviously, I wouldn't have received a Valentine's Day card this big, if someone's love for me was not equally as large. But don't worry, I'm sure you received a card that was proportionate in size to how much your significant other loves you!
Share and share alike, I sometimes almost never say. So, feel free to give my secretary a call and make an appointment Monday through Thursday (off on weekends and holidays) to follow me down the sunny side of the street basking in the shadow of my ever-glowing love.
Ha.
Have you ever see a Valentine's Day card this big? No, you haven't, because no one in your life loves you this much.
That's right, I am loved more than you. It's okay, you see, because now I can spread my extra love to people like you. In many ways, this is like the trickle-down theory of economics, whereby the little people can follow behind me gathering the discarded scraps of my overwhelming love.
What's that you ask? Oh yes, of COURSE, it's nice to be loved this much. Obviously, I wouldn't have received a Valentine's Day card this big, if someone's love for me was not equally as large. But don't worry, I'm sure you received a card that was proportionate in size to how much your significant other loves you!
Share and share alike, I sometimes almost never say. So, feel free to give my secretary a call and make an appointment Monday through Thursday (off on weekends and holidays) to follow me down the sunny side of the street basking in the shadow of my ever-glowing love.
Ha.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Little House-Husband on the Prarie Home Companion for Life
Over the past few days, I have become like a twisted love-child of Bree Van De Kamp and Niki Sanders, alternating between contemptuous love and outright insanity with my beau. Today, I have a landry-list of household items to attend to up to and including laundry. On the list there's also groceries to buy, but surprisingly no InStyle and US Weekly magazines to peruse, and no shower-head masturbating to attend to: things I had previously assumed any West Coast wife stuck at home would have to do with their day.
I'm not knocking housewives, no, FAR from it. I think having to gather for the wigwam while the self-described Chief hunts for grub belies certain difficulties most men are afforded to ignore. Jennifer usually takes care of most of the household chores involving common living spaces (I flush the toilet on my own, thank you very much!), let's me decorate as I please, and also holds down a steady job. These conveniences have allowed me to take such liberties around the house as leaving my underwear hanging from the living room lamp, or keeping my "Reservoir Dogs" action figures out in the open.
From these afforded luxuries, I've gleaned the knowledge that a good woman is hard to find, and even harder to con into marrying you. So for any of you other Fred Flintstones out there reading this, give your lover something lovely on Valentine's Day today, because God knows she needs to find some reason to keep you around. Take classes to learn how to make a better cup of coffee, offer to go outside and chop firewood with your shirt off, or just do what I do and get fired from your job. Any way you cut it, you're bound to spend the lot of your free time figuring out exactly what makes her tick by simply playing a little game of role-reversal.
For me, this experience has been so insightful already, I may never go back to work. Just kidding, honey. I'm looking through the Want-Ads as we speak, and, YES, I'm getting ready to vacuum the living room. Happy Valentine's Day!
I'm not knocking housewives, no, FAR from it. I think having to gather for the wigwam while the self-described Chief hunts for grub belies certain difficulties most men are afforded to ignore. Jennifer usually takes care of most of the household chores involving common living spaces (I flush the toilet on my own, thank you very much!), let's me decorate as I please, and also holds down a steady job. These conveniences have allowed me to take such liberties around the house as leaving my underwear hanging from the living room lamp, or keeping my "Reservoir Dogs" action figures out in the open.
From these afforded luxuries, I've gleaned the knowledge that a good woman is hard to find, and even harder to con into marrying you. So for any of you other Fred Flintstones out there reading this, give your lover something lovely on Valentine's Day today, because God knows she needs to find some reason to keep you around. Take classes to learn how to make a better cup of coffee, offer to go outside and chop firewood with your shirt off, or just do what I do and get fired from your job. Any way you cut it, you're bound to spend the lot of your free time figuring out exactly what makes her tick by simply playing a little game of role-reversal.
For me, this experience has been so insightful already, I may never go back to work. Just kidding, honey. I'm looking through the Want-Ads as we speak, and, YES, I'm getting ready to vacuum the living room. Happy Valentine's Day!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Latitudes and Platitudes
Far be it from me to dictate what anyone should do where their personal life. I firmly believe that each person has a right to do what they want, when they want as long as it doesn't interfere and directly affect another person's mojo. That being said, I most certainly do believe that each person has some sense of moral and civic duty to perform pro bono publico.
When faced with the current circumstances due to my recent termination from The Company that Shall Remain Nameless, I find myself waffling between feelings. On one hand, it feels easier to just walk away and start fresh. After all, that's what I asked for, no? But then again, I can't help feeling a small part of me has been wronged by all this.
I've given a good portion of the last 4 years to working hard at TCTSRN. Hell, we all know we spend at least a goddamned 1/3 of our day devoted to the Big Wheels at the Cracker Factory. Break the day up into thirds and we see the other 1/3 is sleeping, with the remaining 1/3 being ours - of course minus eating (2 hours), commuting (2 hours), grooming (1 hour), pissing (15 minutes), shitting (15 minutes ??), and working OFF company premises (1 hour). That gives us all a little over 1 hour in the day to regroup, re-collect, and reconnect. Mathmatically, put it this way.
(1 hours of OWN time divided by 24 hours in a day) * 100 = 4.2%
--> 4.2% of Monday through Friday is YOURS. <--
So, you better like your job.
We all need money, the system dictates this is so. And work, it appears, takes up a large space in what we refer to as the "Human Condition." Humans have a need to work. Therefore, I write this entry not to disavow the worthiness of work, but rather to illustrate the time constraints it puts on our daily lives.
When you spend this much time at your job - 33% of your day dedicated to a Company vs. 4% of your day dedicated to yourselves - you shouldn't have to hope and pray that the Company is helping you make up the difference. It should go without saying. Therein lies my dilemma.
It's becoming clear that TCTSRN was going out of their way to spy on my behavior off-duty. They made a point to look into my personal life (read: my time), though I had a perfectly clean employment history, and had been promoted to one of the highest positions in my field within the Company. Then I was fired. No explanation of a violation made; no indication of a rule broken.
So I bring this dilemma to you, the sweaty masses, to help guide my hand. Do I walk away from this situation hat in hand, starting anew? Or do I bring this matter to public attention, knowing that although I may struggle to find my footing because of it, I may help somebody else in his struggle to get respect?
What's my duty?
When faced with the current circumstances due to my recent termination from The Company that Shall Remain Nameless, I find myself waffling between feelings. On one hand, it feels easier to just walk away and start fresh. After all, that's what I asked for, no? But then again, I can't help feeling a small part of me has been wronged by all this.
I've given a good portion of the last 4 years to working hard at TCTSRN. Hell, we all know we spend at least a goddamned 1/3 of our day devoted to the Big Wheels at the Cracker Factory. Break the day up into thirds and we see the other 1/3 is sleeping, with the remaining 1/3 being ours - of course minus eating (2 hours), commuting (2 hours), grooming (1 hour), pissing (15 minutes), shitting (15 minutes ??), and working OFF company premises (1 hour). That gives us all a little over 1 hour in the day to regroup, re-collect, and reconnect. Mathmatically, put it this way.
(1 hours of OWN time divided by 24 hours in a day) * 100 = 4.2%
--> 4.2% of Monday through Friday is YOURS. <--
So, you better like your job.
We all need money, the system dictates this is so. And work, it appears, takes up a large space in what we refer to as the "Human Condition." Humans have a need to work. Therefore, I write this entry not to disavow the worthiness of work, but rather to illustrate the time constraints it puts on our daily lives.
When you spend this much time at your job - 33% of your day dedicated to a Company vs. 4% of your day dedicated to yourselves - you shouldn't have to hope and pray that the Company is helping you make up the difference. It should go without saying. Therein lies my dilemma.
It's becoming clear that TCTSRN was going out of their way to spy on my behavior off-duty. They made a point to look into my personal life (read: my time), though I had a perfectly clean employment history, and had been promoted to one of the highest positions in my field within the Company. Then I was fired. No explanation of a violation made; no indication of a rule broken.
So I bring this dilemma to you, the sweaty masses, to help guide my hand. Do I walk away from this situation hat in hand, starting anew? Or do I bring this matter to public attention, knowing that although I may struggle to find my footing because of it, I may help somebody else in his struggle to get respect?
What's my duty?
Monday, February 12, 2007
Big Brother IS Watching....
Have no doubt folks, leave your questions and curiosities behind, because your workplace is definitely monitoring your... personal... life.
I got fired today for blogging. DOOCED. That's right, I got called into the General Manager's office this morning at 10:30 AM and was promptly fired for my blog entry dated February 10th. Suffice it to say, I did not go "Jerry Maguire" which can be easily verified by the HR lady's scribblings during our terrificially fast tete a tete.
Frankly, I'm not sure I feel OK with this. I mean, this has happened in the past - people getting fired for blogging - so, ultimately, it's no big surprise. But it does open a Pandora's Box of problems revolving around the idea of privacy and, well, Orwellian workplace environments. This situation begs the question: How did they find out?
Well, let's take a look at some evidence. When you Google "Equinox Fitness," nowhere in the search results do you see my blog. Okay, a lot of hits, you say. Sure, so now put in "Equinox Fitness Mark Kowalczyk." What do you get? Nothing is right. And see, that's where it all gets a little hinky, because Mark Stephen is my stage name, but my real name (legal employment name) is Mark Kowalczyk. So, for shits and giggles, put in "Equinox Fitness Mark Stephen Kowalczyk," and what do you get?
Nothing.
So, there are really only two solutions as I see it:
1.) Someone is out to get me.
OR
2.) They have been monitoring me in my private life all during my employment.
Although, I do like the first answer for its X-Files like conspiracy theory politics, the latter seems the most plausible. When I asked the GM how he found out about my blog, he stammered and ducked the question and said to the effect that "well, someone found it." Obviously, but that's not really the answer I was looking for. I expect no one is going to step up to the plate on this one and give me the name and version number of the workplace spying software Equinox uses, but at least a direct answer would have been a little less cowardly.
None of this is really new to the whirling dervish of the blogosphere, employer rights, and PR conformities, but what struck a nerve in me most was that I blogged all of this on my own time. I was at MY home on MY computer, and they still found a basis for my termination. Maybe the CEO was embarrassed by my remarks, maybe some of those in HR resented being called "mindless zombies," but they know deep in their hollow hearts that any PR is good PR. What if I had blogged about how great the Company was, and how wonderful it was to work for them? Would I have been terminated for that? Of course not, because that serves their corporate interests. So that's where the line gets drawn?
In essence, it turns out my blog entry was RIGHT and here's why: do you think anyone at Equinox - for even a second - thought that my blog entry could have been a release for me to blow off steam? That maybe, by writing these things down, I was able to get them out of my head and - come Monday - be an EVEN MORE productive worker because of it?
No.
Because that's not what they want. What they really want to have at the Company is mindless zombies. They don't want people to think for themselves, and that's the lesson to be learned. It's not about making the company a wonderful place to work, or providing excellent customer service, or building a better future, blah, blah, blah. It's about stock options, and investment portfolios, and making the investors (read... the people at your job you've never even met) rich, rich, rich.
Bear with me, the rants almost over... I just have to mention this point:
It's interesting to me that the thing we value the most in this country - freedom of speech - the one thing that allows for discourse and civil disagreements is being shunted every day by those in power. No one was reading my blog, my counter as of Saturday the 10th was under 2,000 hits. Yet, they still found out what I was saying... why?
To monitor my actions, my words, my thoughts when I was at home on my own time writing something to make myself feel better just to show up on Monday to be a better worker.
Look over your shoulder... Anybody there? No... no one you can see. But look a little harder and there you'll see someone is, right now, watching your every move.
I got fired today for blogging. DOOCED. That's right, I got called into the General Manager's office this morning at 10:30 AM and was promptly fired for my blog entry dated February 10th. Suffice it to say, I did not go "Jerry Maguire" which can be easily verified by the HR lady's scribblings during our terrificially fast tete a tete.
Frankly, I'm not sure I feel OK with this. I mean, this has happened in the past - people getting fired for blogging - so, ultimately, it's no big surprise. But it does open a Pandora's Box of problems revolving around the idea of privacy and, well, Orwellian workplace environments. This situation begs the question: How did they find out?
Well, let's take a look at some evidence. When you Google "Equinox Fitness," nowhere in the search results do you see my blog. Okay, a lot of hits, you say. Sure, so now put in "Equinox Fitness Mark Kowalczyk." What do you get? Nothing is right. And see, that's where it all gets a little hinky, because Mark Stephen is my stage name, but my real name (legal employment name) is Mark Kowalczyk. So, for shits and giggles, put in "Equinox Fitness Mark Stephen Kowalczyk," and what do you get?
Nothing.
So, there are really only two solutions as I see it:
1.) Someone is out to get me.
OR
2.) They have been monitoring me in my private life all during my employment.
Although, I do like the first answer for its X-Files like conspiracy theory politics, the latter seems the most plausible. When I asked the GM how he found out about my blog, he stammered and ducked the question and said to the effect that "well, someone found it." Obviously, but that's not really the answer I was looking for. I expect no one is going to step up to the plate on this one and give me the name and version number of the workplace spying software Equinox uses, but at least a direct answer would have been a little less cowardly.
None of this is really new to the whirling dervish of the blogosphere, employer rights, and PR conformities, but what struck a nerve in me most was that I blogged all of this on my own time. I was at MY home on MY computer, and they still found a basis for my termination. Maybe the CEO was embarrassed by my remarks, maybe some of those in HR resented being called "mindless zombies," but they know deep in their hollow hearts that any PR is good PR. What if I had blogged about how great the Company was, and how wonderful it was to work for them? Would I have been terminated for that? Of course not, because that serves their corporate interests. So that's where the line gets drawn?
In essence, it turns out my blog entry was RIGHT and here's why: do you think anyone at Equinox - for even a second - thought that my blog entry could have been a release for me to blow off steam? That maybe, by writing these things down, I was able to get them out of my head and - come Monday - be an EVEN MORE productive worker because of it?
No.
Because that's not what they want. What they really want to have at the Company is mindless zombies. They don't want people to think for themselves, and that's the lesson to be learned. It's not about making the company a wonderful place to work, or providing excellent customer service, or building a better future, blah, blah, blah. It's about stock options, and investment portfolios, and making the investors (read... the people at your job you've never even met) rich, rich, rich.
Bear with me, the rants almost over... I just have to mention this point:
It's interesting to me that the thing we value the most in this country - freedom of speech - the one thing that allows for discourse and civil disagreements is being shunted every day by those in power. No one was reading my blog, my counter as of Saturday the 10th was under 2,000 hits. Yet, they still found out what I was saying... why?
To monitor my actions, my words, my thoughts when I was at home on my own time writing something to make myself feel better just to show up on Monday to be a better worker.
Look over your shoulder... Anybody there? No... no one you can see. But look a little harder and there you'll see someone is, right now, watching your every move.
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